Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
