u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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