threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
