why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
