Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I love you. Go after that dick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
