So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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