I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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