I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
