With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
