it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
