Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
