You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
