I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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