She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
