I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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