dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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