he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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