great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
