I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
