We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
