Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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