It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
