Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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