Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
