You just made me feel so damn special
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
