PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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