My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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