Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry