i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
