Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
be right there i have to get my cape
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.