I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY