I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.