Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision