one word: firstdatebathroomanal
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.