Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
