I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
