1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
