i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
