How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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