I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
