i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
