i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
