u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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