i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
