Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I touched a dick in church today
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
