Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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