I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
