my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
