how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
