The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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