girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
