She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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