rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
