Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
