I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
