Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize