it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
