I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
