if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
