What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
