i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
