what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
