I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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