Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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