I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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