It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
