fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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