I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
