What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
