Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
