I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
