dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
