What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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