My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
