Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
