I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
