My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
