dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
