She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
