If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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