then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
