I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
North Korea, Best Korea!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
