pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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