Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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