I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
