I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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