If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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