she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
