Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
