He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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