Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
