she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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