thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
