Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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