I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's the barista slut.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
