She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You were trust falling into bushes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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