vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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